Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Quite an Education OR Desperate Times call for Desperate Measures

Our children have been receiving quite an education this summer. I mean, QUITE an education. You may have read about all of the school work we've been accomplishing this summer. Perhaps it made your stomach turn and thus made you not want to be my friend. I understand. I can't believe it myself. Well, lemmetellyou about a little education. Five children and no nanny or babysitter or long lost grandmother means 5 children go everywhere Mama goes. And I do mean EVERYWHERE.
Dear DH and I are going to have a little getaway this weekend. It is long overdue. There are some other, um, unmentionables that are long overdue as well. SO... I asked the children to please go to the bathroom, gather their DSi or a good book, and hop in the car. Mama Henley was desperate. I know your minds are racing, "For what in the world could I be so desperate? Did Mama Henley take the children to the liquor store?" No! I would never do such a thing as that.
Mama Henley simply stated, "Children, we need to run an errand. You are going to wait in the waiting room while I do something and then we'll leave." Well, Mama Henley has not raised any fools. They don't overlook details... not even the tiniest one. Once we were all in the car, our son asked, "Mama, what are you going to do? Does Daddy know?"
"It's okay, darling. Daddy will understand. It won't take long," I replied.
"Mama, what are you going to do? It sounds inappropriate," our attorney son stated firmly.
"Honey, it's none of your business. It's private," I calmly replied.
"Well, Mama, it sounds inappropriate. I think you are doing inappropriate things. It's giving me the creeps," the judge offspring let me know with disgust in his voice.
At this point, I can hardly drive because of our conversation. Now where do YOU think Mama Henley was dragging her offspring, ladies? Well, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I was overdue and I had to be all fixed up for my trip and that was THAT.
We drove to Melt Out, a darling walk-in day spa that allows children in the waiting room. I set up not one, not two, not even three, but FIVE children in waiting room chairs. I read the board to figure out that my treatment is called the Fine Tune. I signed in and waited. Finally, Miss M called my name and I went back into a quiet room, leaving my children to wait. Let's just say that I was not having a massage. You guessed it. I was there for a bikini wax. Before you call DFACS, the children were safe and well-fed and had no idea what I was doing back there. They thought I was having a massage. Honey, after the interrogation, I NEEDED a massage. For the first time ever, I think I laughed my way through the bikini wax hearing our conversation from the car in my head and wondering what they were thinking now. Thankfully it didn't take long.
I walked out of the room to find our children calmly sitting in their chairs and eating lots of Dum dum lollipops. Don't worry; they had lunch later. I decided to go ahead and have my brows waxed while I was there. They do such a better job compared to my over-tweezing self. As I reclined in the chair, I happened to sense people watching me. I opened my eyes to see not one pair, but SIX PAIRS of eyes staring at me while sounds like, "Ooo.... ouch... yuck" filled my ears. All 5 children and Miss M were looking at my poor eyebrows being waxed. I started laughing uncontrollably at the visual of them trying to watch my OTHER wax this closely. It was too much. I am sure Miss M went home to tell her family about the crazy lady who brought her FIVE children to a bikini wax. But you know what, that's okay. I haven't had a good story in a long time, so I am happy to share, even if it is TMI and I vowed never to talk about such things on my blog. You just can't pass up a good story now, can you?

14 comments:

michelle said...

Oh my, that is too funny! I can totally relate, though, and would do the same thing! Hope you enjoyed the weekend away...

The Niemeyer Nest said...

So hysterical! I am still laughing. Weekends away are wonderful.

Portuguese Prepster said...

hahahahahaah that is too funny!!

clare said...

That is hilarious! Good for you and I bet you were proud of your kids for waiting patiently, I know I would be. BTW I've always wondered, does it hurt terribly?

Henley on the Horn said...

Clare, it does hurt, but it looks better in a bathing suit!

The B Family said...

Love it! Your boys' comments were hilarious! Enjoy your getaway!

Kappa Prep said...

You have me laughing out loud! What a great story!! Now, I hope you are enjoying your weekend getaway!!

Mimi said...

Laughing so hard I cried all the way through this one ~ too funny!! But then I scrolled down to July 26 and the tears flowed in earnest as I read your wonderful post. As a mother of grown children, I know all too well how quickly those years pass. As a grandmother to 5 little girls, I am experiencing again how quickly time flies.

The Mrs. said...

These children will tell this story FOREVER!!! LOL You are a Mama hero. How the heck you deal with that many kids alone makes me think you are a saint! I have a hard time with two and I have help!!! That is the funniest story I swear!!

3 Peanuts said...

That is funny!!!! I thought you were going for a pap smear at first. BTW---I would have totally had them all over to my house while you took care of business if I lived nearby:) hope you had a great weekend!

LindsayDrive said...

Just read your post on English sandals from a year and a half ago. I actually purchased my 1 year old daughter's first pair (at my mother's request) at Mobley's in Raleigh today. Had to order her size but can't wait for them to arrive! (Got myself a cute pair of Tom's wedges on sale as well!) I just love doing things for my daughter that carry on a tradition in our family. English sandals are a must!

Love Being A Nonny said...

Laughing OUT LOUD!

Gwennie said...

How's this school year going? Miss your blogging, hope you'll be back soon.

Kate Suhoza said...

Hello Mamma
I hope all is well with you family. I miss reading about your adventures. I used your dining out guide with my triplets. Much more pleasent meal.
Kate
PS do you belong to Tampa triplet moms on FB?