Tuesday's Tip

You are not going to believe it!! My smart friend, R, just taught me the most amazing thing!! You can go to Publix, or most likely any grocery store, and order DYED BREAD from the bakery. Now I know you are thinking, "Why on earth would I want GREEN bread? It'll look like mold!" Yes, it is a bit unusual, but you will just love how precious those Christmas tree sandwiches look when they are GREEN!!! I bought a loaf for $2.79 today at Publix. I ordered it yesterday and they had it waiting for me. The children loved their fun green sandwiches tonight!! This is particularly fun for cute shaped sandwiches for your child's preschool or elementary school Christmas party. Try it!

My Sweet and the 12 Days of Christmas

My sweetheart is the funniest person I know. He is laugh out loud funny. People have asked if I laugh all of the time, and I do. I used to think I was pretty funny until I met my man. He is also very smart. He knows something about everything. Many years ago, we were out at a party and he was given the nickname "Renaissance Man". We laughed then, but in many ways it's true. He has so many talents.

Anyway, Pink Martini mentioned receiving gifts for the 12 days of Christmas. She loved it. Someone did the same thing for our friends, Nita and Drew, last Christmas. I am thinking about surprising my man with a gift each of the 12 days. I'm creative, but I'm not sure I'm 12-days-in-a-row-partridge-in-a-pear-tree-to-12-drummers-drumming creative. Please help me brainstorm! My sweet man rarely reads my blog, so help a girl out! Thanks, y'all!

For Women Only... or read with caution!

**This story may be too much for men to read. Consider yourself warned and know that you just have to laugh. I hope I don't make anyone uncomfortable!

I have some funny friends. Life wouldn't be right without some humor. One of these funny friends called me yesterday on her way to an OB appointment. She was going to have a little procedure, so the doctor had given her 2 pills for pain at a previous appointment. My friend, whom I'll just nickname Sally, was excited to have a little Vicodin or Valium to take the edge off. She said she figured she could use a little anti-anxiety medication with all that December entails. So, she pulled out her medicine to take it yesterday after reading she needed to take it four hours before her appointment. Then she read in horror the following words, "INSERT IN VAGINA". "What?!", Sally thought. Where was the Vicodin to help a girl out? What else was there to do but to pick up the phone and call the receptionist at her doctor's office. The conversation went a little something like this:

Sally: Um, yes, I am coming in for a little procedure, and I just looked at my medicine and it says, "Insert in your Vagina" and I can't seem to find an applicator or something to use to put it in. What am I supposed to use to insert this in my vagina?

Receptionist: (pause then cautiously replies) Your finger?

Sally: What? I mean, where is the device? I don't want to use my finger! And how do I know how far?

Receptionist: I can have the nurse call you back.

Sally: NO, I need you to tell me now. I was supposed to do this four hours in advance and it is just now 4 hours in advance. I don't have time to wait!

Receptionist: M'am, I cannot help you. I am not the nurse or doctor.

Phone clicks.

Sally arrives at her appointment, still giggling over her conversation with some poor receptionist who has probably laughed and told the entire office this story. When the nurse walks in, Sally laughs and says, "I'm sure you heard about my phone call". The nurse laughed and replied, "Which one are you? The one who didn't know how to put in the pills or the one who took them ORALLY?!"

Sally let out a great big laugh and I am still laughing at some poor woman who put those pills in her mouth!!!! Sorry for the anatomical terms, but a girl has to laugh!!!

Spinning my wheels....

Do you ever feel like a hamster just spinning your wheels? If you watched the above video, you saw the little guy bounce off and get right back on the wheel. That's how I feel today. I have planned and purchased and packaged everything in sight. I have delivered some of our local gifts, sent gifts home in October, and have addressed a big chunk of our Christmas cards. Yet, I feel so behind. The "to be ironed pile" has once again become insurmountable. We just vacuumed yesterday and it's time to do it again. Two beds have clean sheets but another one needs to be changed tomorrow. I haven't even had a chance to work on the piles of bills and papers this week. The time has disappeared while I spin my wheels. How do you women do it? How do you love your husband and children, feed them well, work out & stay stick thin and gorgeous, keep your house perfect, and look like you stepped out of a fashion magazine while Mama Henley just keeps spinning her wheel???

Confession

I have a confession to make. Today I started seeing someone and his name is Billy. We're having a little One to One. In fact, we're planning to meet again next week and maybe even the week after that. Never mind that I had to pay $99 to have a little One to One. You might think I took that whole BACK BURNER thing my mama taught me a little bit too seriously. But you'd be wrong. You see, I told my husband. We're in a real open relationship like that. He doesn't mind if I call Billy my Mac Man. Cause you wouldn't believe what Billy is teaching me!! You better watch out, world, because my Mac Man is going to teach me how to use this Mac like never before!!

**For those of you who are confused by this post, One to One is a fabulous service that the Apple Store provides. You buy a membership for $99 for one year, and it allows you to come in as often as possible for one hour help sessions with your desktop or laptop. You can learn anything from how the operating system works, to how to store photos, make movies, or create music. Today I just worked on deleting things from my very full hard drive! Once you go Mac, you'll never go back!

Trying to surprise hubby

So I'm trying my best to surprise my man with a well-lit tree. In over 14 years of marriage, I have never had the honor of putting the lights on the tree. THANK GOODNESS!!! Wouldn't you know I think I'm about to end this whole thing with the wrong end!!!! HELP!!!!

Tuesday's Tip

My hubby is so smart!! He suggested I send a $5 gift card to the person who sent the first Christmas card we received. My friend, Meg, was smart enough to send Thanksgiving cards, and hers was waiting for us when we arrived home from Georgia. She will be receiving a surprise Target gift card in the mail! Maybe she can buy herself one of those $5 movies or some ibuprofen or a case of Diet Coke! Wouldn't it be fun if everyone did this?!