I learned so much from our experience of trying to have children. So often, words fail us. I will never forget a time when a friend called me first to let me know she was pregnant... on the first try... and she wasn't even sure she was ready to have children. I had tried for years, and was still not pregnant. I was SO happy for her. I truly wanted to rejoice with her, but I hung up the phone, sat on my bed and cried. Indeed, I threw a pity party for myself & let the tears flow.
My head wanted to celebrate with friends who were expecting. I really did. But my heart ached. It ached in a way that only those with this same struggle can understand. My empty arms hurt because they were so empty. Thankfully, the Lord was with me and with my dear husband the entire time. He carried us. He brought gentle reminders to us that He is faithful. This does not mean that He promises to give all of us children. But He is still faithful.
Infertility is tough because it is so personal. Who really wants to discuss the act of husband and wife that happens behind closed doors? Who wants to throw out words like "sperm" or "uterus" like they are everyday terms? You are stripped of a lot of your dignity. You are poked, prodded, and probed by what I thought looked like a man's privates (my mama reads this sometimes, so I just can't write penis!). Nurses and doctors discuss your bodily functions and reproductive organs as you wince and listen. Blood is drawn and re-drawn. Your husband has to do the unthinkable in a cup and hand it to someone he doesn't know. There are needles, co-pays, and medicines expensive enough to pay a month's mortgage on a starter home. It's not for sissies, that's for sure!!!
Artificial insemination, ICSI, IVF, FET are all terms most people don't understand. Unless I had gone through it, I would not understand the need for a frozen embryo or why some eggs are not considered good quality. We learned a lot. We learned that the general public has a difficult time with this subject because they don't understand it. It's not talked about at cocktail parties. People have no idea what you are going through physically as much as emotionally. I want to tell you more. I think this will be a little series. The good news for us is that we ended up with five beautiful children, but we were told we would have NONE. Don't lose heart. Pray. I'll share more soon!
Showing posts with label IVF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IVF. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Infertility
DH & I married young, and we were ready to have children a few years later. We tried and tried, and nothing happened. It was so difficult to understand!! DH & I had waited until we were married. There was no reason to believe I couldn't become pregnant. But I didn't. Weeks became months. Months became years. I was still NOT pregnant. I believe that the Lord ordained it to be this way. He taught me so much in the years that we tried! The main thing He taught me is COMPASSION. Unfortunately, I can be quite judgmental. I look at you all pretty in your fancy clothes, driving your fancy car, taking care of your fancy children, and I think your life is footloose and fancy-free. What do YOU know about pain? Well, the Lord taught me. He taught me that I have no idea what is going on behind those "fancy doors". I have no idea what heartache those closest to me might be going through. Infertility is something people keep quiet about at first. Some always remain tight-lipped.
DH & I were filled with a need to share. We NEEDED the body of Christ to pray for us. We NEEDED friends to understand our struggle. If we had been fighting a disease or had lost a loved one, we would ask for everyone's prayers, so we decided to do the same with our struggle with infertility. I am so glad that we did!! We were amazed to learn of so many others who were also struggling. Our precious pastor at the time and his wife, had also been struggling for SEVEN YEARS. One day they miraculously were expecting a sweet baby. We rejoiced with them!
Our journey took us through some medical treatments. I had exploratory surgery and I tried clomid after that. During my surgery, the doctor discovered that transportation issues were my problem due to ruptured appendix when I was SEVEN. Who know that my life was altered in such a huge way at such a young age? We grieved. We cried. We asked God, "Why?" We asked Him over and over again. We asked for friends and family to pray for us, and they did.
Finally, we were led to IVF (in vitro fertlization). We did not approach this decision without prayer and discernment. We read the Bible and searched Scriptures, and sought godly wisdom from other believers. In the end, this is where the Lord led us. I know without a doubt that I could be the mother of triplets without IVF. If the Lord wanted us to have triplets, He could make it happen any way He wanted. And He did. He chose for us to go down a difficult path so that we would lean on HIM ALONE. He chose this path for us so that we could SHARE with others, just like I am doing now. He chose this path so that we could CLAIM His FAITHFULNESS. He chose this path to soften my heart and make it more compassionate!! I can't wait to tell you more about what we learned!
DH & I were filled with a need to share. We NEEDED the body of Christ to pray for us. We NEEDED friends to understand our struggle. If we had been fighting a disease or had lost a loved one, we would ask for everyone's prayers, so we decided to do the same with our struggle with infertility. I am so glad that we did!! We were amazed to learn of so many others who were also struggling. Our precious pastor at the time and his wife, had also been struggling for SEVEN YEARS. One day they miraculously were expecting a sweet baby. We rejoiced with them!
Our journey took us through some medical treatments. I had exploratory surgery and I tried clomid after that. During my surgery, the doctor discovered that transportation issues were my problem due to ruptured appendix when I was SEVEN. Who know that my life was altered in such a huge way at such a young age? We grieved. We cried. We asked God, "Why?" We asked Him over and over again. We asked for friends and family to pray for us, and they did.
Finally, we were led to IVF (in vitro fertlization). We did not approach this decision without prayer and discernment. We read the Bible and searched Scriptures, and sought godly wisdom from other believers. In the end, this is where the Lord led us. I know without a doubt that I could be the mother of triplets without IVF. If the Lord wanted us to have triplets, He could make it happen any way He wanted. And He did. He chose for us to go down a difficult path so that we would lean on HIM ALONE. He chose this path for us so that we could SHARE with others, just like I am doing now. He chose this path so that we could CLAIM His FAITHFULNESS. He chose this path to soften my heart and make it more compassionate!! I can't wait to tell you more about what we learned!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Will the truth set her free?
Wow. The truth has been revealed!! The latest news revealed that the mother of the octuplets is seeking at least 2 million for book deals and t.v. appearances on Oprah or for interviews with Diane Sawyer. Will the media succumb to paying for this woman's 'advice'? She is touting herself as a childcare expert... do we agree?
I need to clarify a few things. I love children. I would have more children if it's God's will. However, I would not have more children if I were a single mother of five who are ages 7 and under. It is just about physically impossible to care for 5 children on your own. It would be even more difficult if one of our children had autism, like one of the octuplets' siblings. This Nadya Suleman has SIX children and NO husband. She is a single mother whose parents bought her small home. She is unemployed. She has now stated that she hopes to pocket several million dollars because of her sage advice as a mother. I am not sure this is a woman who practices wisdom. Is there wisdom in bringing more children into a home that already has SIX children and no father? Is there wisdom in pursuing extreme infertility treatment when you are a single mother of 6?
I have so many questions. In vitro fertilization raises many ethical questions. I have wrestled through each of them myself and with my husband because we had an unknown transportation issue that was discovered after laparoscopy to determine why we were not able to conceive. We prayed and prayed over this procedure and its ramifications. WE prayed. I didn't go through this decision alone. We sought advice and prayer from our minister. Prior to our infertility issues, I had very strong opinions on IVF, frozen embryos, et cetera. My strong opinions were because I was uneducated on the issue. I had no idea why I believed what I believed but I had some strong opinions against it. Then we found out that due to appendix that ruptured when I was 7, I was missing an ovary and had severely damaged tubes on both sides. There was no transportation to allow me to conceive. DH & I wanted a baby so badly, and after several more months of trying, it was determined that our only choices were IVF or adoption. We sought IVF because it was thought to be a transportation problem. We did not enter this decision lightly. It was expensive. It involved time off of work, countless blood draws, and strong medication.
We wrestled with these things: It might not work. The medication might overstimulate me. I could become depressed, gain weight, and have the Lupron crazies. We could have no embryos, or we could have too many embryos which would leave us with a decision to make about any remaining embryos. After much prayer and many tears, we felt the Lord was saying it was okay to try IVF.
The doctors hoped I would be pregnant with ONE. A few weeks later, they were SHOCKED to learn that there were THREE babies. A nurse immediately offered us selective reduction. We refused. God had given us these babies, and we could not choose to get rid of one of them. The risks were numerous for the babies and even for me. I understand why Nadya Suleman didn't want to reduce. How DO you choose? But why, oh why, would a SINGLE mother of SIX allow EIGHT embryos to be implanted? I understand her feeling a responsibility to those embryos since she had some remaining. However, there are ways to implant the embryos aggressively with aggressive fertility drugs or to put them in the body and let them naturally implant or not implant. I wonder if she should have chosen the latter since she already had several children. I question if she really wanted "just one more girl" or if she wanted fame and fortune.
Jon & Kate plus 8 is a great show. DH won't watch it because he says it is too much like real life, but I have seen it and liked it. However, are shows like this causing people to seek fame and fortune by seeing who has the most babies? The Duggers are another example. They have 18 children. That is way too many for me personally, but you can't help but applaud them for the RESPONSIBLE way they are raising their children. They have NO debt. I can't say the same; we do have a mortgage. They make everything they possibly can and very carefully shop for clothes and shoes. They exercise WISDOM. Miss Suleman has exercised virtually no wisdom. The Duggers are a TEAM. They are married. All of their children share responsibility for household duties. I have 5 children under age 7, while Miss Suleman has 6. Our children are too young to completely take care of one another. The Duggers have older children who assist with the younger children. The Suleman children can bring Mama a diaper or give someone some Cheerios, but their ability to help is limited by their age.
Our reproductive endocrinologist took IVF very seriously. She explained that a high rate of multiple births actually hurts their ratings. They were trying to give their patients A baby... not many babies. Where was this doctor? Did he/she carefully screen his patient? If the doctor believes he did the right thing, then why is he not defending his decision to implant EIGHT embryos in a young woman? Usually doctors increase the number of embryos implanted based on the mother's age... but this was a 33 year-old woman, not a 53 year-old woman!
I do understand a single woman's desire to have a baby. Had I not married, I would still have a very strong desire to have a baby and to be a mama. Miss Suleman had that desire granted with the first six babies. I don't understand why a doctor would allow her to aggressively pursue even more babies. Have fertility treatments become a way to pursue fame and fortune? Should any of us watch this woman on t.v.? Should Oprah pay her for an interview? Who will watch her children while she prances around the country doing interviews and book deals? Who paid for her infertility treatments? I don't want more government in my life making decisions for me. This story scares me about the state of our nation. We have pushed God out of schools and out of our lives, yet we so desperately need Him more than ever. I know I can't expect a non-believer to use godly wisdom, but this whole story is too much to comprehend.
I need to clarify a few things. I love children. I would have more children if it's God's will. However, I would not have more children if I were a single mother of five who are ages 7 and under. It is just about physically impossible to care for 5 children on your own. It would be even more difficult if one of our children had autism, like one of the octuplets' siblings. This Nadya Suleman has SIX children and NO husband. She is a single mother whose parents bought her small home. She is unemployed. She has now stated that she hopes to pocket several million dollars because of her sage advice as a mother. I am not sure this is a woman who practices wisdom. Is there wisdom in bringing more children into a home that already has SIX children and no father? Is there wisdom in pursuing extreme infertility treatment when you are a single mother of 6?
I have so many questions. In vitro fertilization raises many ethical questions. I have wrestled through each of them myself and with my husband because we had an unknown transportation issue that was discovered after laparoscopy to determine why we were not able to conceive. We prayed and prayed over this procedure and its ramifications. WE prayed. I didn't go through this decision alone. We sought advice and prayer from our minister. Prior to our infertility issues, I had very strong opinions on IVF, frozen embryos, et cetera. My strong opinions were because I was uneducated on the issue. I had no idea why I believed what I believed but I had some strong opinions against it. Then we found out that due to appendix that ruptured when I was 7, I was missing an ovary and had severely damaged tubes on both sides. There was no transportation to allow me to conceive. DH & I wanted a baby so badly, and after several more months of trying, it was determined that our only choices were IVF or adoption. We sought IVF because it was thought to be a transportation problem. We did not enter this decision lightly. It was expensive. It involved time off of work, countless blood draws, and strong medication.
We wrestled with these things: It might not work. The medication might overstimulate me. I could become depressed, gain weight, and have the Lupron crazies. We could have no embryos, or we could have too many embryos which would leave us with a decision to make about any remaining embryos. After much prayer and many tears, we felt the Lord was saying it was okay to try IVF.
The doctors hoped I would be pregnant with ONE. A few weeks later, they were SHOCKED to learn that there were THREE babies. A nurse immediately offered us selective reduction. We refused. God had given us these babies, and we could not choose to get rid of one of them. The risks were numerous for the babies and even for me. I understand why Nadya Suleman didn't want to reduce. How DO you choose? But why, oh why, would a SINGLE mother of SIX allow EIGHT embryos to be implanted? I understand her feeling a responsibility to those embryos since she had some remaining. However, there are ways to implant the embryos aggressively with aggressive fertility drugs or to put them in the body and let them naturally implant or not implant. I wonder if she should have chosen the latter since she already had several children. I question if she really wanted "just one more girl" or if she wanted fame and fortune.
Jon & Kate plus 8 is a great show. DH won't watch it because he says it is too much like real life, but I have seen it and liked it. However, are shows like this causing people to seek fame and fortune by seeing who has the most babies? The Duggers are another example. They have 18 children. That is way too many for me personally, but you can't help but applaud them for the RESPONSIBLE way they are raising their children. They have NO debt. I can't say the same; we do have a mortgage. They make everything they possibly can and very carefully shop for clothes and shoes. They exercise WISDOM. Miss Suleman has exercised virtually no wisdom. The Duggers are a TEAM. They are married. All of their children share responsibility for household duties. I have 5 children under age 7, while Miss Suleman has 6. Our children are too young to completely take care of one another. The Duggers have older children who assist with the younger children. The Suleman children can bring Mama a diaper or give someone some Cheerios, but their ability to help is limited by their age.
Our reproductive endocrinologist took IVF very seriously. She explained that a high rate of multiple births actually hurts their ratings. They were trying to give their patients A baby... not many babies. Where was this doctor? Did he/she carefully screen his patient? If the doctor believes he did the right thing, then why is he not defending his decision to implant EIGHT embryos in a young woman? Usually doctors increase the number of embryos implanted based on the mother's age... but this was a 33 year-old woman, not a 53 year-old woman!
I do understand a single woman's desire to have a baby. Had I not married, I would still have a very strong desire to have a baby and to be a mama. Miss Suleman had that desire granted with the first six babies. I don't understand why a doctor would allow her to aggressively pursue even more babies. Have fertility treatments become a way to pursue fame and fortune? Should any of us watch this woman on t.v.? Should Oprah pay her for an interview? Who will watch her children while she prances around the country doing interviews and book deals? Who paid for her infertility treatments? I don't want more government in my life making decisions for me. This story scares me about the state of our nation. We have pushed God out of schools and out of our lives, yet we so desperately need Him more than ever. I know I can't expect a non-believer to use godly wisdom, but this whole story is too much to comprehend.
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