Wednesday, March 4, 2009

More about Infertility

I learned so much from our experience of trying to have children. So often, words fail us. I will never forget a time when a friend called me first to let me know she was pregnant... on the first try... and she wasn't even sure she was ready to have children. I had tried for years, and was still not pregnant. I was SO happy for her. I truly wanted to rejoice with her, but I hung up the phone, sat on my bed and cried. Indeed, I threw a pity party for myself & let the tears flow.

My head wanted to celebrate with friends who were expecting. I really did. But my heart ached. It ached in a way that only those with this same struggle can understand. My empty arms hurt because they were so empty. Thankfully, the Lord was with me and with my dear husband the entire time. He carried us. He brought gentle reminders to us that He is faithful. This does not mean that He promises to give all of us children. But He is still faithful.

Infertility is tough because it is so personal. Who really wants to discuss the act of husband and wife that happens behind closed doors? Who wants to throw out words like "sperm" or "uterus" like they are everyday terms? You are stripped of a lot of your dignity. You are poked, prodded, and probed by what I thought looked like a man's privates (my mama reads this sometimes, so I just can't write penis!). Nurses and doctors discuss your bodily functions and reproductive organs as you wince and listen. Blood is drawn and re-drawn. Your husband has to do the unthinkable in a cup and hand it to someone he doesn't know. There are needles, co-pays, and medicines expensive enough to pay a month's mortgage on a starter home. It's not for sissies, that's for sure!!!

Artificial insemination, ICSI, IVF, FET are all terms most people don't understand. Unless I had gone through it, I would not understand the need for a frozen embryo or why some eggs are not considered good quality. We learned a lot. We learned that the general public has a difficult time with this subject because they don't understand it. It's not talked about at cocktail parties. People have no idea what you are going through physically as much as emotionally. I want to tell you more. I think this will be a little series. The good news for us is that we ended up with five beautiful children, but we were told we would have NONE. Don't lose heart. Pray. I'll share more soon!


pink green & southern said...

Thank you for sharing so intimately with us. I know infertility is so hard--hard to experience and hard to talk about. I had no problem getting pregnant with Miss Priss; it took me almost 8 years to get Pinkie!

Kappa Prep said...

Thank you for sharing this! It is so wonderful for other to know THEY ARE NOT ALONE! I look forward to reading more!

EntertainingMom said...

I also have a couple of friends who had completely given up on "trying", adopted a couple of children and then miraculously got pregnant and had their own biological children in addition to ther adopted children! I too, tell my friends never to give up hope!

Mags said...

I did IVF, ICSI and FET, which resulted in my 3 earth angels. My firstborn angel twins were the result of a cancelled IUI; because we had timed intercourse 36 hours prior, we know exactly when they were conceived. Infertility...such a hard road to travel!!!