On Waiting

Some of us become mothers very easily. For some, too easily. Babies are born to teenagers or women who aren't ready to face the responsibility. For others, it is a painful process that becomes quite frustrating. I was in the latter category. I always knew I would have lots of children. I was a great babysitter, I ran summer camps for preschoolers, and then I became a teacher. My life always involved little people. Then I met the man of my dreams and we married. We couldn't wait to have children. I distinctly remember a conversation where we discussed how many children we hoped to have and we both said, "4". We were ready after being married about 2 years. Friends around us started having babies. The "baby itch" became stronger and stronger. We were ready.

Then the waiting began. We waited. And we waited. And we waited. No baby. No baby bump. No morning sickness. Nothing. My monthly visitor continued to rear her ugly head and each time, I was filled with disappointment which soon turned to sadness. Why? Why would the Lord allow this to happen to ME??? I LOVED children. I didn't understand. Why was it so easy for others and yet so difficult for us? I felt persecuted. I was sad. Anger entered the picture too. I had more than one pity party. I had a hard time at baby showers. It felt like every woman in America was 9 months pregnant and surrounding me. It was not a happy time.

But during this time, the Lord was with me. He was with my sweet husband. Though we despaired, He was with us. He carried us through those sad days. Our despair became HOPE. The Lord has a plan for each of us. He tells us so in Jeremiah 29:11. He wants the BEST for us. God's best is not always our personal best, but it is always THE BEST. Sometimes the the truth about why a situation was the best is revealed to us. Sometimes we must wait until Heaven for the Lord to reveal it to us. And some things we may never understand.

Yesterday was a happy day for many of us, but a day of sadness for just as many. Some people faced a day without their mama here to see and love. Some mamas faced the day without their husband. Still others faced a day with empty arms and an empty cradle. Others spent the day mourning the loss of their sweet baby or child. But the Lord is a Lord of HOPE and He alone can turn your mourning into dancing. My husband read a book with that title by Henri Nouwen and it really comforted him after his father died. If yesterday was a tough day for you, know that the Lord is with you. And He is GOOD. He is full of ETERNAL hope.

A move!

Anyone who knows me knows that I would not choose to leave my entire family and move to Florida. It is just not in me. I love being close to my siblings, my parents, and cousins. We live in the city that is my home. I grew up here, and I love knowing everyone from our mail lady to the people at the camera store to the lady who helps me print cookbooks at Staples to Miss Aggie at our dry cleaners. I love being near so many friends... some who I have known since childhood, some that I have met because of my own children, and others who I have met along the way. I love that our city has 4 distinct seasons that are all beautiful. We live 5 minutes from our church, our school, my family, Target, our grocery store, Costco, Borders, and a high-end shopping center. I have everything I need, including a home we have renovated and loved and enjoyed. All 5 of our babies have come home to this house!! It is not the biggest house in town, but it may well be the most loved and enjoyed!!

Despite the economy, the presidential election, and the general uncertainty in the world at this time, my sweet husband received a promotion. This shows you God's grace and mercy and His perfect plan, and it is also a HUGE compliment to DH (dear hubby)!!! We are so thankful for a promotion at a time when so many are without jobs. Thank you, Lord! However, this promotion involves a cross-country move to a state I never envisioned inhabiting. After all, DH will tell you that when we moved to our city, it was to stay. So, when DH came home with this exciting news, I had 2 choices... to obey the Lord's calling for our family, or to disobey, throw a fit, and threaten to leave my husband. There are days that throwing a fit seemed like the easier thing to do! Thankfully, God has given me the grace and peace to go. I don't want to move. Nothing in me wants to pack up our home where all of our children were born and haul our earthly belongings across several states. This is just not my idea of a good time!! I am extremely sentimental (to a fault according to many of my friends), and it KILLS me to leave the elementary school my children attend because I walked through the very same halls!!! So much of this move is a very emotional move for me.

However, God is bigger than all of this. He is bigger than me and my fears. He is bigger than a market where home values have fallen. He is bigger than my worries about finding 4 more wonderful teachers for our oldest children. He is bigger than my worries that I won't have a single friend and I will be found cowering in a closet clutching our 2 year old! He is bigger than all of that!! I can honestly say that I have a peace that truly passes all understanding because I have been able to embrace this move and follow DH. It doesn't mean I want to leave, but I have peace that this is what I'm supposed to do to be in God's will. And if we're in God's will, there is no place any of us should rather be.

Now, pack your bags and plan a visit to the sunshine state!!! I'll be waiting for you!