Saturday, February 13, 2010
Dear G.P. (General Public)
Dear GP (General Public),
When you are visiting Disney, or any public place with lots of people, there are some simple suggestions (RULES) that you might want to follow. Here is a partial list.
#1. My baby wants to go on this ride as much as yours does. We happened to get in line a few minutes before you did. If you push and shove us and then get in front of us, we are going to spend 30 uncomfortable minutes together while we both continue to wait for the ride. Don't jump. It's so junior high.
#2. If you decide to hop skip jump in front of my stroller's path, I am going to hit you. I am good but I am not that good. Moving targets that cut in front of our stroller's wheels are subject to some pain. Don't go hopping in front of my baby!
#3. If you walk aimlessly in a diagonal pattern with no sense of where you are or where you are going, see #2. Again, I'm good but if you cross my path and I don't have advance warning, you're going to feel that baby Jogger's wheels on your legs.
#4. When you breathe and cough down my neck it's just plain nasty. If I wanted to be that close to you, I would have married you. Even spouses don't breathe on each other in line. Please don't do that to me.
#6. Flush again if it didn't work the first time.
#7. A girl needs her personal space. I won't get in yours if you won't get in mine.
#8. Deodorant. Deodorant. Deodorant. My fifth grade teacher was known as the Deodorant Lady. Obviously many of you did not have the same teacher. I can't take the wet dog/onion smell.
#9. Brush your hair. If you don't want to dress up and be cute, that's your prerogative. But brush your hair.
#10. Keep your tramp stamps to yourself. It's Disneyworld, not Hedonism II. You're causing a lot of angst in our family.
#11. Some things are best done in private. Eating a turkey leg just might be one of them. That and a frozen banana.
That's all, folks!!