Friday, November 6, 2009

FAILED FAILED FAILED!!!



Mama Henley's body has been through quite a lot in the past 10 years. It spent 4 years struggling with infertility and countless tests, probes, pricks, and medicines. Then, the old girl went through laparoscopic surgery, IVF (in vitro fertilization), ovarian overstimulation, and the conception of 3 beautiful babies. This body then carried those little ones for 30 weeks while my hormones raged and moaned and my uterus went where no uterus should go. Granted, Kate Gosselin's uterus stretched even further, but I'm just saying that my uterus was stretched to hither and beyond and it hasn't been the same since!! Within a year and a half, the old uterus was back to nurturing a baby as our 4th little angel was born 2 years after the triplets. A few years later, I had our 5th blessing. Needless to say, my body is not perfect like so many of yours. The days of wearing a small size are behind me. A struggle with weight and exercise has resulted.

As a young girl, I had three bad experiences that made me struggle with enjoying exercise. I was on a soccer team in the 4th grade with a bunch of 6th grade girls who were better than a bunch of 6th grade boys (and handsome like a boy too but that's another story!) I was a beginner and they were just hateful to me. I probably had some soccer skill, but I felt like a failure. I dropped the sport.

My appendix ruptured when I was 7, leaving a terrible scar and an ache whenever I run fast. As a middle schooler, one of my best camp friends was an EXCELLENT advanced tennis player. She would walk past me in my advanced beginner class and laugh at me for being in such a low class compared to her. I should have known then that she was not a true friend, but I didn't learn that until years later. I felt like a failure once again. The sad thing is that I had potential with tennis. When I have played as an adult, I have good aim. The ball goes where I want it to go the majority of the time. But I lost all confidence in myself.

Fast forward through years of trying aerobics, step aerobics, yoga, pilates, zia, etc. and so forth. When I go to group exercise classes, I freeze. I decided to buy a Wii fit with my birthday money. I was so excited on the day I took that baby out of the box. I chose a cute computerized imagine to be me. I went through setting everything up and then it was time for some tests. "No problem", I thought to myself. "I can do some balance tests!"

The first exercise for balance was trickier than I thought it would be. It took me a few minutes to even understand how I was supposed to keep in the blue lines. The Wii responded, "You're not very balanced, are you? Do you trip a lot?" FAILED FAILED FAILED. "What?", I thought. "No computer gets to tell Mama Henley she failed!!! You better watch out, you Wii Fit, you. I"ll STOMP on you & you know that won't feel good!!!"

The Wii Fit had me at hello. That little booger was not going to tell me I failed!!! I tried more balance exercises and thought, "I'm going to show YOU, you little Wii Fit, you." Again the words, "FAILED" flashed across the screen. FAILED FAILED FAILED. They might as well have been in flashing lights attached to the front of our house. I looked around to make sure I was indeed alone. "What? What do you mean I FAILED? I can keep my body at a funny angle so that you believe I am BALANCED. I am NOT UNbalanced. There is just no way I can't do this!" I switched to the mental exercises. I remember names and numbers and how to get to places I've only been once. No memory exercise can trump THIS girl, let me tell you. Well, at least until I tried the Wii Fit memory exercises. Something happened. The Wii Fit flashed those dreaded words again: FAILED. Now we were going to fight. Mama Henley's mind is a steel trap with a memory like an elephant. Do you want to know my 3rd grade best friends' phone number? 782-1340 or 787-1641. It's all there. Do you want to know my favorite college phone number? Right side left side zero. Look at your phone and dial 369-1470. I probably know 80% of the addresses on our Christmas list, and with almost 300 names, that's quite a mental feat. Oh no, not according to the Wii Fit. I FAILED FAILED FAILED. So began my quest to beat this machine. I've only been on the Wii Fit for a few days, but the day will come when you will hear the words shouted from the mountain tops. "PASSED PASSED PASSED. You are a balanced instructor level professional and you ROCK!!" Okay, Wii Fit, the challenge is ON!

11 comments:

The B Family said...

I've never played a wii, but that thing sounds almost as rude as the girls you played soccer with and your camp "friend"! You go, Mama Henley!

EntertainingMom said...

I'm sorry to laugh, but you do make it all seem funny... except for the rude kids in your youth. I must tell you the balance thing is hard and I always struggle and my kids laugh, no they howl as they cry so hard from laughter as my wiimote goes all over the screen because I can't stand still on one foot!

Henley on the Horn said...

EM, I wanted you to laugh!!!! It is funny. I am totally poking fun at myself!

wendy said...

You go on with your bad self!! Go. Mama, GO! And thanks for keeping us laughing! That's the best way to stay fit anyway!

Love Being a Nonny said...

I would love to be a fly on the wall when you do WII fit...you should see ME! It is indeed something to laugh at! You go girl!

Jillian, Inc said...

ha! Here's a cheer to all the stretched and frumpy uteruses (uteri??) out there. Lordy, mercy with all the advice one gets before having a baby, why didn't anyone tell me about the poor nether regions?

Tickled Pink Talk said...

ooh, I need to get me one of those! Maybe Santa will bring one for Christmas....
Good luck beating that mean wii! I know you can do it. :) hee hee

bevysblog said...

Love my Wii fit... only wish I could use it! The Wii is upstairs in the playroom continually hooked up to Guitar Hero and all the boys' other games. Any who wants to try to exercise in that environment? I'm considering buying a seperate console for Mike (husband) and me to use ourselves downstairs!

Actually the really mean thing that Wii Fit does is "customize" your Mii to your true size. Mine is rather "fluffy" in my opinion!

Can't wait to hear you beating it... especially with the flying soccer balls and cleats!

Emily said...

So excited to hear about you beating the wii fit! I wanted to give you the pumpkin roll recipe you asked about the other day. Here it is:

3 eggs
2/3 c. canned pumpkin
1 c. granulated sugar
1 t. baking soda
½ t. cinnamon
¾ c. all-purpose flour
2 T. salted butter, softened
8 oz. cream cheese, softened
¾ t. vanilla extract
1 c. confectioners’ sugar

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Grease a rimmed baking sheet. Line with waxed paper and grease the waxed paper. Beat the eggs, pumpkin, granulated sugar, baking soda, cinnamon, and flour at medium speed in a mixing bowl until smooth. Pour into the prepared baking sheet. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes or until no batter remains on your fingertips when you touch the top lightly. Do not overbake. Invert onto a clean linen towel sprinkled with confectioners’ sugar. Remove the waxed paper. Roll up in the towel and let cool completely.

Beat the butter, cream cheese, and vanilla at low speed in a mixing bowl until creamy. Add 1 c. confectioners’ sugar and beat until smooth. Unroll the cake from the towel. Spread the cake with the cream cheese mixture and roll up to enclose the filling. Wrap in plastic wrap and chill for up to two weeks or freeze for up to six months.

Khaki said...

Not only did I fail but it made me 15 years older too.
I had a 'best friend' like that too only we rode horses. I'm so glad you found me. Laughter is totally the best exercise.

short southern momma said...

I soooo need to try one of those! Hope your having a great weekend mama! = )