Thursday, May 7, 2009

Rules by which a Southern Mother Lives

My sweet sister-in-law, A, gave me a great book when she visited! It is called, "Some Day You'll Thank Me for This... The Official Southern Ladies' Guide to Being a "Perfect" Mother". It is by Gayden Metcalfe and Charlotte Hays & it is HILARIOUS! You can buy it here on!

I liked this part...
Rules by which a Southern Mother Lives:
1. Never sit on the commode seat in a filling station. Always hover. Hovering is great for the legs. By the way, we say commode, not toilet.

2. Always wear a piece of good jewelry when going to the airport- that way people will know you are from a nice family. (Why do we care? We jes' do. We secretly believe people might treat us nicer if they believe our rich daddy will horsewhip them if they don't.)

3. Speak to all chaperones. (If you don't, Mother will know because in the Delta there are no secrets.)

4. Don't tell me. I don't want to know.

5. Tell me everything. I am your mother. (We will reveal some of Mother's tricks for pumping the truth out of unsuspecting daughters in subsequent chapters.)

6. Always be nice to the other girls-- they'll help you get to the boys.

7. Always wear your nice underwear-- you may be killed in a car wreck, and you don't want the EMS workers to take one look at your poor dead little body and say, "Well, she certainly wasn't a lady." That would be a fate worse than death!

8. You can date him, but you don't have to marry him.

9. It is as easy to feed a good dog as a bad dog.

10. Never reply to a formal invitation in blue ink.

And the Southern mother's all-time favorite rule of life:

11. Serve left, retrieve right.


The B Family said...

This would be a perfect gift for Mother's Day--the list looks like it was written by my Mama--I even heard her Georgia drawl in my head as I read it!

pink green & southern said...

Oh, I am ordering this RIGHT NOW! One copy for me and one for my mother! I didn't know they had written this book; I have the one they wrote on Southern Weddings and I just love it--it is hysterical!

Henley on the Horn said...

Check out the one on Southern funerals too... they are ALL a hoot!

EntertainingMom said...

one of my closest friends here in CT is from NC... I tease her about rebelling from her southern roots... a mom of three boys she seems more prepared to hike the trails of Maine than serve up a lady's lunch... she catches grief about this from her mother all the time. I have to get her this book!

Kappa Prep said...

This looks like a GREAT book! Everything you included was such fun! Have a lovely weekend and a fabulous mother's day!